something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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