Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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