She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
