i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
