Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
