you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
