what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
