I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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