Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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