im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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