I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
