waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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