after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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