I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
