Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
