you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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