get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
