Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
