I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
