Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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