awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
