I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
