This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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