Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
