Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I will be naked everywhere
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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