uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
