i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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