Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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