I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
