its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
