Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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