he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
