So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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