Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
