no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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