I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
