I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
