Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
