I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
