I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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