Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
