i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
