I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
