Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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