I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
