So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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