...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
