In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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