I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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