Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
