I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
