Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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