so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
