He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My dick has a subreddit
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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