The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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