using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
we're so committed to being not committed
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
